Monday, August 15, 2011

Time for Art

Back again.

Where to start? 
I feel like I am starting over. I feel like a different person. 
Loss has a way of changing you permanently. I don't feel like this is negative, just still so unfamiliar.

In the past I was inclined to post frequently about political issues, but I am so burned out on all that right now. Everything feels pointless, especially political grandstanding (and it is ALL theatre),  and pop culture. 
They have become intolerable to bear.

I shouldn't be surprised. I've been through an incredibly traumatic few years, and I really want to concentrate on creative ideas and expressions, rather than get angry over shit I can't change or do anything about. 

I guess I'm in a nesting mode. 
Spending time with my partner, friends and family, cooking, eating, slowing down and appreciating how lucky I am to have wonderful supportive people in my life. 

On the artwork side—
I have thousands of photographs to sort through, process and edit, tons of writing to do and books to read. and very soon a class to teach.

I'm working on several photographic series too, which I will post working versions of images occasionally. 

I'll start with this portrait of my Mother:

Mama, in her room, November 2010.


This was made three weeks before she died. 
It breaks my heart every time I see it. 

It was a spontaneous shot. 
She normally wouldn't let me photograph her unless she made herself up, but I think she knew at that point time was short and when I asked this time she said okay. 
I knew I couldn't hesitate. The cancer made her mood unpredictable. One minaret she could be fine and the next in a fury or in incredible pain. 

I had borrowed a good digital camera so I grabbed that. Unfortunately the battery died while trying to make there first shot. I was so frustrated.

Their wasn't enough light to shoot film, so all I had was a cheap point and shoot camera. I paused, almost defeated, but took a deep breath and pressed forward with what I had.

Technically, this shot is compromised. It suffers from a low light source environment, too much image compression— typical with jpg format and the limits of a point and shoot level chip. (11 MPX with a panasonic lumix)

However,
Viewed purely as an image, on an emotional level, I think it does capture something and I am thankful that I have anything from this very delicate and difficult time. 

She could be a holy terror, but I miss her so very, very, much… 

1 comment:

A DC said...

Welcome back.

I actually really like the way the photo came out. I think it's a great portrait.